The Pursuit of Perfection/ Randomique in Wonderland

alice,in,wonderland,films,alice,film-daaf98f939d869dcce68ef60e83a09fe_hThe pursuit of perfection is fruitless.

I find myself comfortably (numb) in a made up world that accommodates every one of my finicky desires. I have conjured up every little detail of this imaginary world, no matter how filthy and dystopian it might be. My characters are not happy people picking flowers in the fields, they’re deep, tortured and righteous individuals.

Some things remain the same. The mass media could never be anything other than what they are – hungry vultures, tearing flesh from limb on a quest for their own survival.

Rock stars are still idolized, celebrities are worshipped.

There are ugly people and there are beautiful as much as there are those who commit crimes and those who don’t. However the line between good and evil is blurred indefinitely and my favorite heros and heroines, driven by intense passion and self-conflict, kill not only for self defense but for sport.

And I like it just fine.

My world is magnified, it’s as intense and as righteous as my raging emotions; it cannot be bound. I find myself swept sometimes, not realizing the limitations of the “real”, fake world I am forced to (physically) live in.

My moralities are challenged and I find myself breaking all the rules and disregarding those I cherish, perhaps because they don’t have a place in my world, just a vague presence that is never explored. It is most likely because my world revolves almost entirely around me :]

And yet, I never seem to get what I want. Which makes me wonder, do women really know what they want? Would they still want it after they’ve gotten it or would they feel trapped and pursue something else? Or worse, would they try to change what is beyond their reach (i.e other people)?

I am content in exploring these questions in my version of utopia. I don’t like it here. I don’t like the imperfect aspect of this world. I hate the mind-numbing stupidity, I hate being misunderstood or inhibited, I can’t stand being oppressed by those who are louder (not wiser), I hate how our value is still judged by the exterior rather than our intellectual and emotional qualities.

This world isn’t my kind of ‘fair’. I am too righteous to be able to walk among these absent minded creatures and not feel assaulted by every word, every action whether it’s directed towards me or not. I’ve always thought my desire to flee from every place I grew accustomed to was genetic, but my mother had her reasons too I’m sure.

I know it isn’t normal to live in a world you despise, or isolate yourself even from those who love you in their dysfunctional way but… no, scratch that. I DON’T know that, I only know that because I was told my genuine necessity to be left alone – is not normal.

Do you blame me for wanting to escape? Perhaps be a permanent resident of a world in which I am not only normal, but celebrated, understood, cherished and revered?!

Going back to the subject of my life needing to showcase some sense of irony……. Everything I do, all of us in fact at least to some extent, we do to please and impress this enormous, faceless body called “Society”.

But who is society? What are her hobbies? Who are her friends? Did she ever stutter in front of a crowd? Was she embarrassed? Did she stumble on the way up the stairs? Does she lie? Does she cheat? Will she understand and relate to you as a small insignificant part of her?

The short answer? No.

The long one? Nooooooooooooooooo.

Society is far too rigid. It is heartless. The ‘crowd’… it can’t be bothered to be more specific than a stereotype not does it like being apologetic. You fall where you may, into neat little shelves, where you are to be dissected and scrutinized – such is the man made monster called society.

And it grows bigger.While I still, fall between the cracks.

I can’t be dissected and though I should be relieved to have escaped, to have slid by, unnoticed, I feel underprivileged… like an innate right has been taken away from me… like I’m not “normal” for not being classified, for being the “odd number out”…

I slip through the cracks,

and

I fall,

like Alice

in my own wonderland.

And I’m happy there.

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4 Responses to “The Pursuit of Perfection/ Randomique in Wonderland”

  1. Just came by through Link Referral and I must say, this post of yours has got you held high in my eyes !

    A really well written post and thoroughly descriptive. I can completely relate to you in terms of what you are saying. I would write more but I am at work and this could take a while.

    Looking forward to reading your other posts 🙂

  2. I find your comments on MDA interesting enough that I decided to check out your link, and this post made me smile. You have an insightful view of society, and you write well. Perhaps this will inspire me to write some of my own thoughts on the state of the world, if I can gather them all together into a coherent article, rather than my usual buzzing hive mind. Looking forward to more of your posts on MDA 🙂

    Chris

    • randomique Says:

      Aw, Chris thanks for visiting my forgotten blog and dusting it off the cobwebs 😛

      I don’t think writing should be organized! Just write what you feel, you can never go wrong with that!
      Even my melodramatic posts are better when I’m feeling something strongly than when I’m trying to be clear/ coherent.
      You can benefit greatly from writing a blog, it can truly be your best friend :]

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