What Does Love Have To Do With It?

This isn’t the first time I find myself unable to move.
Whichever way should I turn?
What is at stake?
I find myself compromising once more; unable to breathe without something I’ve grown accustomed to.
Feels like it’s a part of me but it’s someone separate.

Why do we need others to define us?
Why do we let ignorant words sting?
The truth should be a beautiful thing, not a foreign thorn of shock and shame.
Things we are told at a moment of anger and malice shouldn’t be burnt unto our psyche; the kindness others show us should be remembered clearer than the insults we cannot forget.
We know this and yet we search. We look for signs written in forgotten places, we look for them to find us and prove us worthy once and for all. We look for understanding in the eyes of people who finds us strange. We hold onto old habits, obsessions and to self-sabotage just so we could feel alive and struggle until we win what we have had all along and lost on purpose.

Why do we need to be needed?

Where is this destructive force of elitism come from? How are you able to look at a stranger’s face, without knowing their story, and decide to judge when not far from now you will be judged harshly yourself?
What kind of animal is man? To trample someone to the ground for his own amusement?
Even lions who haunt their prey bring it softly to the ground in a gentle embrace of death.
Why are we so much more barbaric?
A syndrome of passing your pain along; as those who are happy pass sweetness and kindness to others the same way.
This world is destroying itself from within its core and its people are waiting patiently for its demise.

I ache for solitude. I wish to wake up in a strange place and to start over again, in a circle of people who are no longer threatened by these primitive social standards. Where could I find such a place? Am I better off alone?

Years have passed and my longing for someone who is able to comfort me in silence has not.
I have yet to feel like someone understands and wants to listen instead of waiting for their turn to speak.
Everyone selfishly looks for comfort but no one is willing to comfort others.
Where can I find a love so selfless?
A love where people would strive not to hurt you instead of playing cruel games with your feelings?
The fear of loneliness prevents me to keep on going, I am stuck, I compromised in life because I am afraid no one will ever love me like that. If such selfless love exists, I do not deserve it.

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