March 1st

The first of the month has always been symbolic.
It often marked a beginning, today it marks an end of an era.
I know it does because I, for once, want some privacy; free thoughts that can’t be tracked back to me.

There I go exaggerating and being melodramatic, but there’s no one who would listen, no one who would understand.

The end…
God, I didn’t believe it until I saw it through someone else’s eyes.
It’s never been this concrete, this simple.
I can’t believe both parties are happy and accepting…
well, I’m struggling on my way to being content with it.

I just feel lied to, is it that easy to let go?
Am I not worth fighting for?
Did the feeling, the passion burn out?

I can’t imagine anyone loving me, how could they if i can’t love myself…
After 20 years, my neurosis have only grown…
I ruin everything, kill it at the root… I manage to destroy it and then mourn the loss.
I’m useless…

It all comes down to this ego of mine that knows no satiety.

When will I prove myself worthy?
I spend my time sulking, but when will be the wake up call?
Is it today?



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