For the sake of all the words that I haven’t said,
To those people who have, and in the process wounded and engraved their words onto my heart, I offer salvation.
Salvation through the simplest form of communication:
I will gladly live and die in the mysteries of femininity than rot in the simplicity of the male. And there is nothing that an inferior form of life with lesser intelligence, like yourself, can add that would challenge my perspective.

It is a simple, close ended sentence. A concrete, newfound dogma and I offer no revision of it.
It is what I have amounted to be. It offers no further explanation to those who don’t deserve it and those who haven’t felt it or lived the hardships that are tied with it.
And be this statement angry or egoistic, it doesn’t renounce the fact that I am.
I refuse the virtue of my presence and wisdom in the lives of those who poison me.
That’s why I run away and I stop any association with you.
Those who recognize my potential and help it flourish are welcome in my life, the rest are erased from my consciousness.

With that said, I know what I am and I know why I am this way.
I still don’t know what to do with myself.
The future dawns on me and the burden of responsibility sneaks up on me only to burst the bubble I have comfortably engulfed myself in through adolescence.
The emptiness I feel is unnatural for a twenty-year-old.
As I dig within myself I readily know the passions that drive me, but I can’t overcome the fear and uncertainty. Why am I so insecure?
Being both aware and inhibited makes the ignorance around me enviable.
Tomorrow will be a new day I think optimistically; only to find that tomorrow will be another day, instead.

I’m comforted knowing many others before me have conquered the challenges I’m facing now. But I’m searching for a way of my own. Perhaps it is masked in a sign and my interpretation of it?
But where should I look for a guiding star if I’m already lost?

-“All womanhood is hampered today because the world on which it is emerging is a world that tries to worship both virgins and mothers and in the end despises motherhood and despoils virgins.”
P. J. Ball


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