A belated optimistic look at the year of 2009

I’ve decided it’s the little things.
Well, not more decided than have had it personally creep up on me.
A surge of uncontrollable sweetness, that is; one that I’ve managed to subdue in the past year.
And it’s really the goodbyes that bring forth the contemplation that should have been a part of the initial decision to leave.
Inevitably, when it decides to rear its rightous heads at us it is far too late to consider all the things that should have been said and should have been done.

There is a point to my rambling,I promise – I just haven’t found it yet.
It is anticipated to untangle itself somewhere in the middle.
In the mean time, let’s have a moment of silence for the sake of gratitude and the optimistic notion of the infamous “its-not-too-late” motto.

It’s easy for me to give up on things that so easily define my life. Perhaps it’s not the state I like to find my life in at the moment. And yes, I have no one but myself to blame for this unfathomable chaos of boredom and presumptuousness. But maybe it’s time for me to stop and absorb all the things that are right in my life.
Things I am willing to readily let go of are in fact my stability; they keep me glued together.
The sweet routines that I go back to, that have lost their charm and excitement but would be greatly missed if they were suddenly to disappear from my life altogether.

I have never been so lost in my entire life.
I’m not even sure why I am so surprised and abashed by this fact. I am 20. And I am allowed and encouraged to make a billion mistakes in the way of figuring myself out.
And hope that I eventually will.

I don’t know.
What it was for me, was seeing an acted out version of genuine affection.
On the screen, with which we are all so intoxicated with, was where I saw a gesture of simple, unchallenged love of one person to another. Something I’ve managed to take for granted, and worse, completely ignore.
For this gesture, for that person in my life and for my frivolous mind that has managed to interpret the gesture so- thank you once more.

Ok. Maybe there isn’t a point.
And maybe I’m just in the middle of figuring out this post.
But I do hope that surge of sweetness is one of many this year.

I suppose this is a belated optimistic look at the year of 2009.

Happy New Year’s!

And also thank you, for people who share their talent with the world- even if it is in a multibillion, commercialized, shark corporation such as Hollywood- and help us, the little people, figure themselves out through somewhat fabricated characters.



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