How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

I should know, I freaking wrote that story.
The story of my life.
The only cure is the tangible to substitute the intangible, the emotion.
I need something to hold, to touch to acquire; to be entertained by for the moment until
it is discarded for a new item. Like I am; the story of my life.
I’m a model citizen in this brave new world.
I consume to suppress, eat to be happy, sink in my misery- the border between me and my idols
is the border of the self made swamp I am drowning in.

Why is it my misfortune to surround myself with people who make me feel like shit?
It’s like I’m teasing self destruction, taunting depression to come and play; let’s play-fight on the floor
where you can overpower me- I will no longer see the image that is me, I will see what you want me to see:
the ugly, the lonely me.

Losing friends is a must: those who judge me, those who are beneath my reverent stature and those
who challenge me to the point I challenge myself.
Alienating those who truly love me, those who try to help me in ways I am not willing to accept as a lifesaver.

I want to break free, from what the mirror and the interpretation that’s attached to it.
Why can’t this motto ring clear in my head: interpretation varies, so does beauty, attraction, perfection.
But what if I’m not in that consensus of beauty that everyone has cast a vote for but me?
Why do I so desperately need to?
Because I’m a model citizen of this brave new world.

A world where you can buy spares and body parts to repair those society deemed to be unacceptable.

I hate I hate and I crave the same
attention, affection, desire.
fuck me.

I was made in America and America hates me for what I am,
I am your shit, you should be ashamed of what you have eaten.

Verbal diarrhea relevant to no one.
I’m killing myself.
This rope i so desperately cling to by theory
try to break free from
it’s wrapped around my neck in a noose.

I’m halfed and will always be because i’m not living for me
what drives me forth i was afraid to take on
i am second best…..
and it’s too late.

R.J

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